His acceptance…

June 30, 2005

I dont know why you always catch me when I’m depressed. Read “Steppenwolf” By Herman Hesse. Should have read it when I was 15 – would have known what to do with my life then. Dont these days. Derive no joy from almost anything. And for the first time in my life I feel uncomfortable at being alone. Never ever happened before. Losing interest in what I most love – reading – didnt want to write because I feel my poetry is always whining about something. About how dark the days look.

For me there are no open offers – you opened your heart to me and I felt the same way. But people who come into my ambit always suffer for I can never escape the guilt. My actions are always with a clear heart but for the world they are vicious.

I need a reason to live. I feel I exist not live and I want to live.

As someone said, there is so much beauty in the world. And I know for I have seen a lot of it. Real, unadulterated beauty. Of soul and thought. I need a map to find it again. And I feel that I won’t even remember to read.


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