Her attempt to explain…

June 30, 2005

I read those verses over again (the ones I sent in reply today), and they don’t say everything I want them to. Maybe that’s because religion and God are not very clear to me right now. Or maybe, it has nothing to do with religion or belief. I’m skirting around the edges here, and sometimes that feels like a safe thing to do—now I’m beginning to question if I need to feel so sure and safe all the time; maybe jumping off the rooftop and flying with the eagle is the only way to really ‘feel’. The numbness and vacuum you happened to mention in the passing—felt mild stirrings of it a few times.

And loneliness—something I DO identify with, considering I’m so cuckoo even my family has problems understanding my needs sometimes.

Tell me something—why do you trust me? I mean, you hardly know me, have never seen me and I’ve told you very little about myself—for all you know, I could be lying about everything. Maybe I’m a desperate 40 yr old woman with a 42-inch waist and size 9 feet. You don’t know. Yet, you trust me, enough to tell me you’re hurting and vulnerable, enough to turn to me for understanding—and I trust you, enough to tell you I care, enough to feel the burning need to hold you close and soothe away your pain. WHY? We didn’t need reasons for that………reasons are mere trumperies, ribbons to adorn the truth. The lake doesn’t change because of a few ripples on its surface. Extending that to belief, God doesn’t have to give proof of his existence. So long as you believe, He exists. Start doubting, and He will vanish. Same with love, and dreams.


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