April 6, 2005

Sometimes, the voices inside scream in my head, drowning out the sound of reason that tells me the rational sane decision I have made is the best, that cost-benefit analysis is indeed the smartest way of making a choice, that playing it safe may not bring the highest returns but will cut my losses significantly. Then the question arises—is life about playing it safe? Isn’t the hope of a miracle all that is holding the world together? Isn’t life about living and learning from this moment rather than waiting for a tomorrow we can never be sure will come? I look back at my life, at all the events that have happened, and I think to myself… this isn’t the life of a twenty-one year old girl we are talking about, this is the life of a much older soul, a woman-child if such a term exists. There are still some milestones I have not experienced—a marriage, a child, work life. But there has been heartbreak and loss, changes and disruptions, travel and beauty and learning experiences… it is, in many ways, already a complete life. Much of what people experience over a lifetime, I have experienced in a span of twenty years. Many of the dilemmas people face and decisions they take with the advantage of experience, maturity and perspective, I have been forced to take without any or all of the three. There have been mistakes, there are regrets I will take to my grave… but through it all, I have learnt—to understand even if not to accept myself. I know my capabilities and limitations—maybe I haven’t yet learnt how to use my abilities or overcome my limitations, but at least I am aware of them. That is a beginning…


One comment

  1. Physical Age is a myth!Strange I shud be reading this today which reminds me of my last post..since i had not visited ur blog in like zillion years..!

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