“Why do you trust people so easily?” he asked me.
I had no ready answer—“Why do you ask?”
“Because… it’s unusual. You are unusual.” He propped himself up on his elbow and gazed at me, putting some distance between us. “Yes, you’re an unusual woman—a woman-child…” he drawled, tracing my lower lip with his forefinger, “and I… I am a very lucky man.”
A mischievous smile lighting the corner of my eyes, I whispered “Hey Mr. Lucky Man—know why I trust you?”
“I’ve often wondered why” he countered.
“Because…” I said, circling my arms around his neck “you’re my lobster!”
“Your what?” he let out a hearty laugh, curving his mouth in that familiar way that never failed to make my heart do a tango.
“My lobster… you know, holding claws and running across the sands. Hey… stop laughing at me!” I ended on a fit of giggles, “Else you’ll be Mr. Not-so-Lucky Man next time.”
“You’re incorrigible, you know that?” he whispered in my throat, “and irresistible… and now, my lil lobster, I’m going to have YOU for dinner.”
***
“Would you miss me when I’m gone?” he asked me the other night.
“What kinda silly question is that?” I shot back, trailing a finger along the stubble on his jaw “You need a shave. Aren’t you glad we’re both kinesthetic? …else it would’ve been one cold winter.”
“Must you always answer a question with a question? You’re hard to read, kid.”
I knew he was waiting for some sign that his question wouldn’t go unanswered this time too, but I wasn’t ready to deal with the reality of it all. I needed more time with him, more time as ‘us’ before I could make up my mind. “Must you always end up with a question?” I grinned back at him, “Let’s not talk for a while… just hold me on your lap.” He let out a soft sigh “I’m leaving in a couple of weeks kid… you know we can’t push this away forever, we need to talk.”
I gazed at his hand that lay sprawled on my pillow… large, supple hands with long nimble fingers, the veins strong and prominent—there was passion and sensitivity there, a heady mix of recklessness and prudence, of controlled power, a storm held in check by an unwavering will, a vulnerable heart cautioned by experience… I covered his hand with mine and willed myself to look at him. He was looking straight into my eyes, reading my soul with the ease of one who knew he had every right to… searching for the answers I was unable and unwilling to give him. What he found must have satisfied him, for his hand tensed momentarily under mine before his lips parted slowly in a smile… “What are you so afraid of?” he whispered, pulling me down on the pillow next to him, “I won’t hurt you… that is it, isn’t it? You are afraid I will leave too… you are so scared of losing me that you refuse to give us a chance…”
I had no answer this time either, but he didn’t need an answer… he had seen it all in my eyes, the pain and the fear. He knew the demons I was battling… he knew. And it didn’t unsettle him. For the first time, I felt something like hope stir within me… maybe this time wouldn’t be the same, maybe this time I had a choice, maybe this time I wasn’t destined to return to the pitfires of my private hell. But I wasn’t ready to give in as yet… “Let’s talk…”
“Where do you see us going?” he asked me, “It has been one hell of a joyride this far… and I hate leaving without knowing if we have a chance for something more.”
I sat up, pulling my knees closer to my body… I needed all my senses about me right now. “I have a past” I stated simply, “I come with a lot of excess baggage. Can you handle it?” There was no need to play games; we both knew the time for that was long past. He looked hard at me for a while, his eyes inscrutable… my world came to a standstill for those few moments, for my sanity hinged on his response. In that instant, I knew that I could love this man for the rest of my life… that I could trust him completely and lay my tortured soul to rest—and it all depended on his next few words.
“I will never question your past… I love you, as you are now. But I need to know that your past is your past… if we do this, I need you to be absolutely sure—no relationship is perfect kid, I’m not saying ours will be… but I’m telling you right now that with its many imperfections, it will still be for a lifetime—I promise you that no matter what, I won’t leave you, ever… we’ll find a way to work things out as and when they happen.”
He wouldn’t leave me, he wouldn’t leave me ever… my mind refused to think beyond that…
